far too slow to outrun it now

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kolya, he/him, 22, gay, idiot, PTSD

chapbooks + qpp 💙 + bro🌻 + my writing


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More empty places…

This was posted 1 day ago. It has 8 notes.
#man we are so delayed #like hours behind schedule already. sigh #same on the way to california. 5 hours late #i just wanna go home and play minecraft on my computer which can render more than 4 chunks at a time #i um died in the end and it was scary #u literally cant see shit with a 4 chunk re der distance in the end btw. pure terror. nothing but 1 million endermen concentrated #directly in front of u at all times #photography



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My main gripe with long train rides is actually that its absolutely impossible to shave in the bathrooms (tiny, not actually any room to stand except in the disabled bathrooms which of course would not be an appropriate use of them) plus the jolting of the train would make me look like a bear mauling victim when i came out. So even tho i shaved right before i left i already have a 5 o clock shadow which is just, the worst level of sensory hell (((

This was posted 1 day ago. It has 4 notes.
#why must it grow so fast #sometimes i end up shaving literally 3 times a day just to get rid of the prickly feeling #blegh #im also starting to think i would hate having a beard. anything touching my neck is Evil and that probably would extend to a beard huh... #sigh #need a better razor #autism



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ciaran-archive:

ciaran-archive:

ciaran-archive:

if we could read minds I still don’t think we’d understand them.

like I’ve spoken to people who think in images, who have to translate each thought into words before they communicate. and I think entirely in words, laid out across the void inside my head. my father’s thinking is 3d, concepts structured in ways that are incredibly difficult to translate into words. and how would that look to me, if I could see into it? how do I perceive a thought that my mind cannot contain by the nature of their construction?

we all speak a private language to ourselves and we are always translating so we can speak to each other…don’t touch me I’m emotional

(via spinningblueberry)

This was posted 1 day ago. It has 137,384 notes.
#mm yeah #the inside of my head is entirely dark and theres these formless shapeless wordless concepts that flit through it #but then i do also think in words when practising what to say or when writing or other things that require words #but its franglais lol #and then of course theres also The Pit #which is where all the memories are stored and if you stand too close it will make you sick #and you can ask the pit questions but the answers will also make you sick #i have no idea what anyone else would be able to make of my brain but it certainly doesnt make any fucking sense to me lol #not to be a nerd but theres a lot of spirk fanfiction that kinda touches on how strange it would be to share minds #and how you cant just enter someones mind. they gotta make a place for you and even then it doesnt open their whole mind to you #it is just a platform. an easier medium through which they can share information. but it has to be deliberate #makes more sense to me than just the standard sci fi mind reading for sure



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Empty place to wake up in.

This was posted 1 day ago. It has 11 notes.
#its the 'this is an empty country and i am thr king and i should not be allowed to touch anything' -ness of it all #pretty sure its that volcanic dead spot between oregon and california. driven thru it a few times #reminds me of home a little #so many random ppl trying to talk to me this morning its disgusting #luckily ch parle pas anglais desolé :) ❤ #photography



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Not that i can afford one anyway but ive been obsessed with my moms espresso machine and trying to figure out how unwise exactly it would be to try and get one at some point. On the one hand its so easy to consume 16 shots of espresso in a day. And on the other hand, its so easy to consume 16 shots of espresso in a day

This was posted 2 days ago. It has 8 notes.
#like literally 30 seconds to make 4 shots.... too much power maybe #and theyre so small you can just chug em.... #sigh #i kind of hate the taste of coffee now so the fact that theyre very small and potent is a win



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fairycosmos:

does anyone know what the first step of unlearning shame is. please say it’s substance abuse

(via moteldogs)

This was posted 4 days ago. It has 27,767 notes.
#gotta be



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tenorgender:

blood stealing poll

a nurse has told me that i am easy to draw blood from

a nurse has told me that i am hard to draw blood from

i have had blood drawn but no one’s ever commented on this

i have never had my blood stolen

(via terpsikeraunos)

This was posted 4 days ago. It has 15,111 notes.
#i mean i guess i dont know if anyone ever actually needed to say it out loud to me per se #but ive heard them call for another set of hands after a while saying they got a 'guy whose making it difficult' #as if its on purpose or i want them to dig around in my veins for 20 minutes a pop



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kolya, 20's | queer man, gender non compliant | he/him | engaged | fiber arts sideblog is @orchardknit
minecraft blog is secret sorry but am happy to tell you if i followed you first !